Nothing exciting or noteworthy has happened of late. A conspicuous silence from the social worker is the #1 thing on my mind. She called me two Fridays ago to hammer out the rest of my medical history and told me she'd contact Super Dreamy Happy Couple (SDHC) that day, and then let me know when she heard back from them vis a vis do they want the seabass. I am still a bit tender from the T&V debacle (though I recognize now that it was for the best) and I wish there was some way I could beam SDHC the knowledge that the seabass is swimming around happily, not shriveling in a corner of my womb dying from the horrible things I exposed him to pre-pregnancy test. But both members of SDHC are overly educated, to the point that it might not matter. I wait in fear of almost certain rejection.
I move back to NYC on Saturday. Pros: school is starting soon and I love school, I will finally have something to do with my days, I get to hang out in my super cool new apartment in Brooklyn, I get to be around friends more often so I don't isolate and get lonely. Cons: school is starting soon and that could be very overwhelming - it also marks the official "final stretch" of the pregnancy (scary), it will be harder to see Max Power, I will be away from my family. The two sides seem to balance out well enough for me, so I just spend my days cheerily filling boxes. I'm on some new medication now and it is SO AWESOM E IT BLOWS MY BRAIN OUT OF MY NOSE AND ONTO MY KEYBOARD. I feel so much better, I can't believe I spent years on the other medication, and this one is a fraction of the price!
In the meantime, I'm learning how to knit. I always need something to do with my hands. I can't watch a movie without playing solitaire on my phone. I can't sit in class without doodling, but I doodled all over my notes. I started making cranes in high school; I'd fold them in class and write little haikus in them. I have thousands. I recently scattered a thousand for my grandfather's funeral:
I was gonna make another thousand for the seabass, but I already have so many. Instead, I'll make him tiny socks.
When I woke up this morning, I didn't know how to hold needles. And look what I have now!
Scraggly, I know. But c'mon. Throw me a bone here.
Very impressed by the knitting. Not a bone, the truth.
ReplyDeleteI remember rejection the other way around (I'm an adoptive parent) & I guess no matter what it's pretty scary/awful except I guess eventually the right thing works itself out. That feels very true for us.
Good luck with the move back to that awesome city...
I can't knit worth a damn and I don't want to because I cannot STAND fiddly little things with my fingers. But I can see the appeal. I used to solve Rubik's Cubes while I watched TV and I think it's the same thing. (You're so young, you probably don't even know what a Rubik's Cube IS even. Sheesh.)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your new meds are cheap and awesome but the visual here? Scary.
Also you forgot to tell me how awesome Madison is doing the Ting-Tings. C'mon now! You know it is teh awesome!
That is super great, especially compared to the first thing I ever knitted. Seriously, you done good, especially if long runs don't start appearing in it!
ReplyDeleteThousands...wow
ReplyDeleteVery nice! You are a talented woman - cranes and knitting! Both take coordination and patience, neither of which I have much. Hey, you can always knit while going to class. . . hehe. . . I'm sure your professors will appreciate it. :)
ReplyDeleteThat photo from the funeral is just beautiful!
ReplyDeleteImpressed by the quick pick up with the knitting. How are you learning? (I watched Youtube vids...) I have a suspiciou Seabass is going to have an awesome sock collection.
So long as you don't become a knitting nazi, casting disparaging looks at the lowly crocheters, we're good. (Athena is adamant about her hooks)
ReplyDeleteI'd like to have wonderful cheery remarks about waiting to hear from your social worker and SDHC but I'm blank. I haven't been there so all I can say is what you're doing now seems to work so keep doing it.
Also - consider this a gentle nudge to once again consider talking with your professors at the beginning of the semester to arrange an alternate exam schedule for you. They may not want to work everything out the first day but most likely will appreciate the head's up.
Impressive knitting!
ReplyDeleteI was watching a movie with friends today and they were curious whether I found the movie boring cause I was knitting - I think it enhances the movie!
Second the call from I Am re exam schedule - we're always happy to do this for our students with similar limitations/timetables. My students seem to divide into "don't want to be a bother" (who usually have great reasons why we should help them) and "I am owed" (who have zero reasons). Can't think of a better reason than the one you have...
I feel ya on all the school worries. Argh. Definitely feel like we got the same stuff going on and I get it, so hang in there...we can do this! :)
ReplyDeleteI am rather jealous you are so damn talented! Haha...don't forget to post pictures of the socks!!!!
I just love reading your blog for two reasons:
1) I TOTALLY relate!
2) You write so well and I just freakin love it!